How happy are you really?…..

Often when facilitating empowerment programs one main theme seems to be noticeable that have some common threads – people are desperately searching for some semblance of happiness. However, when asked what would make them happy, more often than not they don’t actually know – saying things like “I just want to be happy!”  The other common thread is that the happiness they are searching for can often be founded on unrealistic goals, giving the illusion that happiness is unreachable… So what does happiness really mean?…

No-one likes conflict, yet when it becomes a part of our daily living we forget what it is like to be happy and lose sight of what happiness is. As we get tangled in expectation and  unreasonable desires we relinquish our happiness and blame someone or something else. When we get caught in this self destructive web our automatic reaction is to look for ‘greener grass’ on the other side – which in reality of course rarely happens.  Happiness is not the absence of conflict but the ability to remain unaffected, light and easy – no matter what is happening around me. There may be chaos and stress but that doesn’t mean I have to lose my bit of happiness – if I do, it probably means that someone else’s ‘anger’ may be stronger than my happiness. Conflict occurs because I allow myself to get caught in the conflict and don’t have any tools to get myself out of it.  As we lose sight of our own happiness, we assume that it becomes someone else’s responsibility to keep us happy – this is not so!

Having traveled a lot in my life – currently been nomads for over 2 years – I often see the most genuine happiness from those who appear to have the least to offer. Living in a world of wanting more – any wonder our happiness is dependent on material things (or so we believe) – all material things are temporary at best. When I believe that I can only access happiness from external means – other people, possessions, positions, etc – my happiness will fluctuate continuously as my dependance on externals increases and so will fear. When I rely on others to keep me happy – fear and insecurity will be ever-present in my life – as others will dictate the terms and all material things are subject to change.

Recognising that happiness truly comes from within takes much pressure of myself and those who love me, enabling me to have genuine relationships and interactions with others without placing any burden on them.  So what does happiness feel like?… Well for me it means remaining stable, cheerful and lighthearted, to be able to smile easily for no apparent reason, to be grateful and appreciative for all that life offers and to be able to share that with others – without expecting a return.  Happiness means that anything is possible while remaining grounded in reality – to take time out to enjoy the laughter of a kookaburra or to watch a child absorbed in play – in other words, to be able to go with the flow and stop to smell the roses, while being completely responsible for me.

Question:  Does your happiness depend on your inner calm or on external circumstances?

Consideration:  Why do you wait for or expect others to make you happy?

Action:  Pay attention to the thoughts behind your actions.  If you find yourself responding positively to externals – stop, breathe, step back and check yourself – change any thoughts of dependance. It’s ok to enjoy externals, it’s not ok to depend on them to make you happy. Detachment means I can enjoy everything life has to offer without feeling a loss should it be gone tomorrow, because I am happy inside.

Love Annemarie 🙂