WonderFull Living Newsletter – 8th October 2013

Take the Reins of Your Life…

Don’t let others pour you into their moulds of who they think you should be and how they think you should act. And definitely do not let others make you doubt yourself by buying into their distorted beliefs or values – often based on self denial and dishonesty! Giving others permission to take control of the reins of your life is never a good idea, no matter how compelled you are to please them – it just gives you a ‘reason’ to point the finger of blame away from yourself while you continue to spin in the mud of validation, approval and ultimately expectation and self sabotage. Not powerful for anyone involved.

When our mind is littered with wasteful thoughts and negative beliefs about the world, confusion and distortion is automatic. Our focus will be fuzzy and compulsive reactions will disempower us as we swing back and forth from conformity (passive) to control (aggressive) – with denial and manipulation often not too far behind, if allowed to sneak in. Compromising myself so that others will like or approve of me, completely under-values my worth – it stifles any opportunity for healthy, honest relationships as eventually the truth comes out. I won’t be able to trust others because I can not trust myself to do as I say, due to my own compulsive reactions!

Perceiving that I am not valued or appreciated is a limited view that comes from past unresolved issues – it’s a rather heavy burden to carry. It’s a distorted and destructive way to see the world and it makes us bitter. Stemming from low self worth and not recognising that others see me how I see myself, is a major cause of depression, anxiety and passive/aggressive behaviour. If we don’t accept reality, we create defence mechanisms and start to believe in them, making life extremely challenging for ourselves and for those around us. These defence mechanisms afford those who do not wish to be exposed for their aggressive tendencies, to get what they want, under the illusional veil of still trying to please others. They want things their way but carry a compulsive need to please, often denying their own rights in the process. Becoming angry they try to convince others that they are being bullied while they themselves fluctuate between being a victim and a bully – yet never seeing themselves as bullies, the next step is manipulation and denial. From passive (overly timid – believing their opinion is not important) to aggressive (believing that no-one is listening, becoming quite forceful). The oppressed has now become the oppressor, hurting those around them but firmly believing it’s not their fault as they are the victim, but in reality they have relinquished their reins.

Denial is a terrible pit to fall in, it’s filled with doubt and cynicism. A place to judge and blame others from, leaving no power to make any positive change. Passive/Aggressive behaviour makes me a puppet of my environment – others pull my strings as I dance to their tune while they swiftly take the reins from my hands (with my unconscious permission).

Recognising Passive/Aggressive behaviour within ourselves and within others is important to take back the reins. This behaviour comes in various forms, here are just a few… An act of doing something deliberate to annoy another but pretending not to realise you did it… A person’s inability to transform their own bitterness, anger or resentment – confusing aggression with assertiveness thus shifting from passive to aggressive… Aggression can easily be covert – covered up so that the intention of the aggressor is concealed to the general eye – including their own. This type of aggression is at the base of much manipulation and emotional abuse – often completely unaware to the perpetrator. Many get conned and even abused by those who are clever operators – perpetrators who believe themselves to be victims – as they justify and manipulate to get what they want.

When I truly take the reins I will have no-one to blame nor will I have anything to hide – very liberating for all concerned, because I will be 100% responsible for my own wellbeing… There will be no need to take or give abuse as I will be very clear on my role and purpose in life – I won’t play the victim, nor will I play the perpetrator. Taking the Reins means to truly ‘Be the Change YOU wish to SEE in the world!’ – not talking about it but doing it… Starting within ME!

Question: Do I manipulate people and situations in subtle ways to get what I want – under the cloak of pleasing others? (The truth will set me free)

Consideration: When am I passive and when am I aggressive? Why?

Action: Look into the mirror of your heart and check to see there is enough self love to ensure the reins are firmly in your own hands. If you become aware of even the slightest passive/aggressive reactions, pat yourself on the back, then gently but firm release it! Focus only on your strengths, not your weaknesses… To make any change, we must focus all our intention on creating the new, not on battling with the past. Using your Spiritual Values as your compass, gives you power to adjust and change yourself.

Affirmation: I am not a victim!… I am not a perpetrator!… I Take the Reins of My Life because I Love who I AM!

Love Annemarie
ps… A reminder for any women in Sunshine Coast, or anyone in Brisbane, Cooroy, Leura, Kempsey or Wollongong, interested in upcoming (free) empowerment workshops, please go to www.willtowonder.com.au /events… remember to book as places are limited 🙂

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