Coming towards Christmas when emotions easily overflow as old hurts often resurface, it’s a good time to understand why we need to forgive. If we want to improve the quality of our life and our relationships, it pays to check that we’re not holding onto any past grievances. Why we need to forgive holds a significant key to our own healing…

You see, being unforgiving (regardless with who) is destructive on so many levels. The more ‘justified’ we feel in not forgiving someone (or ourselves) the more layers of self deceit and self sabotage we need to peel back. So do not mistake ‘moving on’ with being unforgiving because it will show up in our lives again and again (often at the most ‘inconvenient’ times)… Resentment grows where unforgiving flows – and self development slows! If left unresolved, old hurts will haunt us and destroy our relationships. The saying ‘hurt people, hurt people’ is a perfect example. Even if we have good intention – if we allow our past hurts to undermine our desire to let go and grow – we will sabotage ourselves and those around us. We may even enable someone else’s bad behaviour so not to face our own ‘stuff’. Our unwillingness or inability to forgive will become evident, by way of keeping us stuck!

Interestingly, it takes more energy to hold onto emotional wounds then it takes to transcend them. Yet we hang on – justifying till the very end – even if it makes us ill. In fact, resentment can cut years off our life and so the cycle of suffering continues. Unforgiving keeps us repeating adult versions of childhood wounds. In other words, we revert back to childhood behaviours – coping mechanisms that simply cannot work for adults. Lashing out or shutting down only serves to show us the unhealed parts of ourselves (the parts we pretend are gone and work so hard to cover up). Hence, our lives become one of mistrust and miscommunication, as toxic relationships become a by-product. Our emotional reactions are our default responses to unhealed wounds, and leaves us with little or no control over our own thoughts, emotions and consequent unhealthy behaviours. Sadly this dynamic can create disempowering patterns, resulting in a string of relationship issues and a trail of broken hearts. The cumulative affect of emotions left to stew and brew in the background is like a silent pressure cooker waiting to explode!

According to the Law of Attraction and the Law of Healing, we unconsciously draw people and situations into our lives to trigger our unresolved emotional wounds. This is why for example, someone who carries abandonment issues will attract partners with commitment fears. This is not to punish us or make us feel bad about ourselves but as a way to help us heal. Our suppressed pain has to come to the surface in order to release it, so life supplies us with endless opportunities to help bring the pain to the forefront to heal it. So when someone triggers us it helps to see it as a blessing, not as a personal attack. In fact, blame perpetuates pain – it feeds it and supports it! Blame keeps the pain alive (and thriving) and if allowed, it will spread into every area of our lives. Blame keeps us tangled in the ‘stuff’ of others so we must let go in order to grow. There’s no way around it. As long as we keeping pointing the finger away from ourselves in any instant, we actually give away our power and give others permission to hurt us… This is why forgiveness is the key not only for our own healing but for our emotional freedom!

Question: Do I hang on to past hurts? If so, Why!

Consideration: What is it about forgiving, that I find so difficult?

Action: Whenever you catch yourself reacting emotionally – stop and breathe – again and again and again… This allows you to check why you’re reacting that way and enables you to let it go. This will help you become aware of the old ‘stuff’ you may unconsciously be carrying that undermines your moving forward. Change it as soon as you identify it, so it stops being a problem in your relationships – and your life. To stop self-sabotage and heal yourself is a most wonderful gift you can give to the world.

Happy December everyone and may the new year open you up to allow even more healing to occur :)

Lots of love Annemarie x

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