Transforming Anger…
Anger

As we reach the end of another year with Christmas just around the corner, it’s a good time to stop for a moment and take a good look around… For many this is a time of joy, but sadly for equally as many, if not more, it is a time of stress, anger and sorrow. So ask yourself – In a world of fastness and fragility, what’s one thing that I as an individual can do, to keep my little bit of the world relatively calm and stress-free?… Perhaps rather than look at what others are doing or not doing, I can check and change my own attitude instead! This may seem simple enough, but when applied will not only serve you, it will serve those around you and ultimately will contribute positive – instead of negative – vibrations into the atmosphere.

Did you know that no-one can make you angry? Hard to imagine isn’t it – particularly if you believe that others are the cause of your distress. However, no matter how someone else behaves or how unjust, discriminatory or unfair a situation may appear – these are simply external triggers. Of course, it’s always easier to believe that it’s not my fault. However, the anger I experience is simply because I am not in control of my own responses, or due to some unresolved issue that I’ve quietly allowed to fester beneath the surface – it never has anything to do with anyone else. That’s not to say I condone others behaving badly but that I don’t have the right to blame them in order to justify my own anger. Even if you feel you have ‘tolerated’ a situation long enough and now feel justified in ‘losing it’ – it still has nothing to do with the other person/s – no matter how much you rationalise it. This might be a bitter pill to swallow non-the-less, it’s worthy of investigation as a means to let go of anger permanently, to free yourself from living under compulsion and to stop reacting to the world. In fact, it’s rather liberating when I realise that control over my own senses and therefore my own responses (as opposed to reactions), lies in the palm of my own hands – not in the hands of others… No-one can make me feel anything I do not wish to feel! When I let go of any type of rigidity in my own mind and attitude – towards myself and towards others – I can then accept, deal with and let go of my own anger.

Anger is an irrational emotion, it stems from fear and causes pain – physical, emotional, mental, spiritual and even financial – that if left to stew, will ‘spew’ out into every area of your life. It brews within and if left unchecked becomes anti-social at best, showing up in your life through many forms — frustration, anxiety, agitation, irritability, jealousy, projection, passive/aggressiveness, self sabotage, shame, blame, guilt, worry, depression, resentment, weariness, violence, rage … Anger is like rust – a cancerous growth – that eats away at your health and well being and of those around you. If left untreated, anger becomes a disease and regardless how much I blame others for my discomfort in life, dis-at-ease means I am not at ease with myself! Projecting onto the world around me that which I do not wish to face, gives me an outside source to blame so I don’t have to deal with it. When I deny harbouring unresolved issues I won’t ‘own’ the anger, I will blame an outside source for my internal anguish and I can easily justify my judgements of others – making it difficult to transcend and transform it. Anger will affect ALL our relationships and blurs the lens through which we view the world… So at a time of the year that often brings unresolved issues to the surface and when lack of self control and irrational emotions can run high, perhaps this might be a good time to check in with myself.

Anger is one of the fastest growing mental health issues in the world. Because you see “hurt people, hurt people”. If I don’t heal past hurts and if I don’t learn skills to manage my emotions, I will somewhere along the line hurt someone else. I will justify my reaction and in doing so, the habit is instilled, the cycle is repeated and the pattern continues. So lets not become a statistic this season, instead, lets work towards creating a healthier, more inclusive world – by working on ourselves!

Question: Do you project onto others or do you accept and manage anger?….

Consideration: Why might you find difficulty in self control?… And what might cause you to ‘hang on’ to outlived situations?

Action: Once again, using our ‘Checking and Changing’ tool – Check any irritabilities (no matter how minor they appear) and Change them instantly through conscious breathing and consciously letting them go, before moving on and before they brew into something unmanageable. Do this regularly throughout your day, especially if you’re living in a very hot climate and/or if you’re feeling particularly tired or irritable… And remember, past is past – even this very second will soon become the past, so let it go – it’s finished, it’s done!

May you all experience a happy and safe holiday season – I look forward to reconnect in 2015.

Love Annemarie

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