Stepping off the emotional rollercoaster 

Hi EveryOne,

Ever notice how emotion has a way of pulling us into storms of complication and chaos? It’s not a nice experience is it, getting bowled over by those tidal waves of emotional reactions and dumped on our behind not knowing which way is up. The anger, the violence, the fear, the blame – all that discombobulated emotion… But how are we to know any different when we’ve been taught (or should I say conditioned) to believe that emotion is ‘normal’. That to show no emotion we must be robotic – heartless and unkind. This of course couldn’t be further from the truth!  Truth is, emotions can not only render us senseless, they keep us stuck and can literally bring us to our knees… Let me explain.

Emotion and feeling are often defined as one of the same, but they are not – this is a rather unfortunate misunderstanding that often has us spinning in confusion. Though we may experience emotion in our body as an involuntary bodily reaction (a  ‘feeling’ of uncontrollable urge) they are not the same. The term emotion originated from Latin, making it’s way into the english dictionary via the french language. It’s meaning is to do with movement, agitation and ‘stirring up’.  What comes to mind is the fight or flight response – a natural occurrence – as an example. When we are in danger the emotion of fear triggers a response in our body (our internal alarm) that ‘motions’ us to get out of harms way. Adrenalin kicks in to help us stand and fight, or to run away. But when we live in constant fear and stress (dreading this, worrying about that) our adrenals work quadruple-time while our emotions run riot. The perceived threats of daily living overwhelm us such that we deny our true feelings, allowing emotions to destroy us as we lose control of our life. This is not a natural or even a normal state but that’s the price tag of fast living. Our ‘modern’ lifestyles have normalised it to such a degree that we don’t necessarily see emotion as destructive, that is, until we’re smacked over the head with an emotional confrontation! No longer able to discriminate rational danger from irrational emotions, fear now rules us. However if we remember that emotion is an agitation in the mind, telling us in the form of a bodily response that something is not ok, we can learn from it and learn to manage it.

Feeling on the other hand stems from a much deeper internal ‘knowing’ – a sense, if you will – that’s more reliable and equally more rational. Feeling stems from a deep internal love, deep inside – which takes more effort to apply in life. Emotions stem from fear and are more externally motivated, they’re superficial and often showy (even if they hurt us). But as image is valued over everything else these days, it’s pretty clear why so many are misguided in seeing such value in ‘showing’ emotion. This belief is of itself quite irrational and has a tendency to bring us undone. No matter how prepared we may be for a situation, if we react emotionally, we can easily undo (or sabotage) all our hard work – be it physical, emotional, mental or spiritual!… When we see a child in a tantrum, they’re  not  ‘sharing their feelings’ they are being uncontrollably driven by emotion. And if left unguided, they will continue to express those emotions in an unhealthy manner. They will also very quickly learn how to control and manipulate the world around them – as their behaviour spirals into ‘normality’. It may seem cute (for a little while) but it’s not cute as an adult.

If we don’t try to understand and work with our emotions as a means to keep them in check, one way or another, as adults we will surely sabotage our relationships. I’m not suggesting to suppress emotions, that would be foolish because emotions that we bury alive will only get stronger – they will NEVER die!  Like a washing machine, our emotions will ‘agitate’ us till we come clean with our own ‘stuff’. They will rise up to challenge us again and again – often when we are least prepared. So how do we stop allowing emotions to control our every move? How do stop allowing emotions to sabotage our relationships? How do we get off and stay off that rollercoaster?…

Firstly… It helps to remember that we choose our emotions – hard to accept but true all the same. Accepting self responsibility is essential for positive change to occur.  An emotion always starts with a thought – paying more attention to our own thought processes (as opposed to continuously point the finger ‘out there’) we are on our way. Then learn to check and change your thoughts from negative to positive and the emotion will (over time) settle down. Emotional Intelligence states that in order to heal unresolved issues, we must first be able to label and ‘own’ our emotions. When we identify our own emotions, it’s easier to deal with the emotions of others. Otherwise how can we heal and how can we understand what others need, when we don’t understand ourselves? Checking and changing our thoughts consistently, is an incredibly powerful tool to help us step off that emotional rollercoaster, to help us take back control over our life.

Secondly… Accept that life doesn’t have to be that hard!… When we learn to work with facts and feelings (truth), life gets uncomplicated because we are no longer ruled by emotion. Instead, we’ll be able to enjoy our lives and relationships more because we no longer live in constant fear of losing… Remember, a rollercoaster is a ride we choose to step onto so if we choose to step on, we can also choose to step off. Sure it may be a thrilling ride at the start but the problem lies in becoming attached to the ride – point in case, emotion. Many get a thrill from the highs and lows of emotion – it’s called DRAMA! Ever been around someone (maybe even yourself) that creates drama wherever they go?… It’s exhausting! When we recognise that the emotional rollercoaster is actually bad for our health and wellbeing, we have the power to step off. With a bit of effort, we can once again live in happiness and harmony.

Thirdly… LET GO! Hanging on to stuff doesn’t serve anyone – don’t worry, you won’t miss out! When I run workshops, I often hear “but it’s so complicated”… Life doesn’t have to be that complicated, we make it so, we create it! Let go of control. Let go of expectation. Let go of judgement. Let go of blame. Let go of people-pleasing – accept that not everyone will like you. Let go of the inner critic. And let go of self victimisation. You will be amazed how your life will ‘magically’ un-complicate itself.  How do I know?… Because I’ve done it 🙂

Question:   Do I remain calm when confronted with change / challenge or am I driven by reactive emotions that overwhelm and compel me to behave in ways I do not wish to behave?

Contemplation:  Why do I accept these destructive emotions as ‘normal’ in my life?

Action: Whenever you’re drawn in by emotion (be it yours or someone else’s) – stop, breathe and become the observer for a few moments. Check your thoughts, assess the situation and take stock – what are you sensing inside? Look for and focus on the many possibilities of how you can do it differently (without getting emotional). Then using your courage take the opportunities to make that change – only YOU can shift it. When tests come (and they will come because it’s their job) this short exercise will help you be more prepared. Paying attention to your internal sense (feeling) instead of focusing outwardly on an emotion helps you stand firmly but lovingly in your power. 

If you would like to respond to or clarify any of the above contact info@resoulutions4life.com

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Have a wonderful day, Annemarie