What Kind of Company do You Keep?…
Alone

“You cannot expect to live a positive life if you hang out with negative people.”
Joel Osteen

Hi everyone,

It is said that you can tell a person by the company they keep – perhaps there is some validity in this. That’s not to say we are the same as those around us – we are all unique individuals – but we can become like others if we are easily influenced… The behavior of others can impact on us in a big way if we allow them to dictate the terms (we become our environment). In turn we end up behaving in the same way yet be ignorant to our own demise, as we justify staying in our comfort zone while blaming others. If you have ever done something that (under normal circumstances) you would not do – dismissing it with “oh well, everyone does it” – that’s conformism in its most subtle form. To conform is limiting yet many unconsciously ‘follow’ in some way or another, to please or impress those around us while compromising or even sacrificing our own value. Then we try to control the situation and a passive/aggressive pattern is born.

Toxic environments are difficult to detect, they are difficult to handle in an empowered manner and they are even more difficult to step away from – everyone colluding in self-denial as a way to keep each other down (all in the guise of camaraderie). Familiarity can be dangerous – fraud with insecurity and distorted loyalty – as we sift through emotional ‘stuff’ doesn’t belong to us, yet carry it as our own… And as if self-change isn’t challenging enough due to our own destructive habits and addictions, but it increases ten-fold when we choose to keep company with those who weigh us down rather than help uplift us… Recognition, tolerance and courage is needed because this is about self respect – not about blame!

I remember many years ago when I first realised I had lost control of my life – I had given away my power once too often and was questioning the ‘purpose of life’ in a big way. I finally decided to leave Melbourne and let go of many toxic relationships in the process. One early morning I was walking along Bargara Beach in Bundaberg, Qld and came across a lone fisherman. We chatted for a while then I sat down quietly on the sand to contemplate my life. Next to me sat his bucket filled with crabs and I vividly remember tears streaming down my face, as I watched one little crab trying to get out of the bucket while the other crabs kept pulling it back down. No matter how hard this little crab tried, it could not succeed because the others simply would not let it. I was that little crab but somehow through courage, sheer determination and willpower, I climbed out of that ‘bucket’… I have used this scenario in many presentations I have given since then… Recently I came across several articles describing the ‘crab mentality’ of society and I couldn’t help but smile 🙂

For many years I swayed from victim to aggressor to victim (passive/aggressive) – unaware of my own inner power and my own hand in giving away that power – a very confusing, painful yet liberating time. And though I now know better I have no regrets – “the teacher appears when the student is ready” – one of my very first teachers came in the form of a crab 🙂 We can’t blame others but we can certainly remove ourselves from those who aren’t interested in self empowerment, from those who refuse to look at themselves in a truthful way, from those who’s secret intent is to keep us down in order to not expose themselves.

Many also fear their own company, preferring toxic relationships rather than to be alone… Maybe it’s because we don’t want to face our own demons. Maybe we deny our own contribution to toxic relationships because it’s easier to blame others. Maybe we prefer to drown out our own quiet little inner voice so we don’t have to step up… You know, when I’m running workshops about reclaiming our inner power, I often hear “it’s too hard because ‘they’…….” or “it’s very complicated, nobody understands”. Sometimes we need courage to stay in relationships and work through issues, but sometimes we need courage to practice self respect and step away. When we eliminate finger-pointing we can take control and change becomes possible. You know, being alone does not mean to be lonely…. I love solitude but that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy company or that I am lonely! On the contrary, it’s a great time to recharge and rejuvenate, a time to check my own view of the world, a time to check my own attitude. If I’m not happy it’s up to me to change it, only then can I be better company to those with good intention 🙂

Question: What kind of company do you keep – do they uplift you or weigh you down?

Consideration: Why might you hang around those who minimize your existence?

Activity: Strengthen your inner Powers to reclaim your life and to create healthy relationships. (see my ‘powers study group’ on this page to familiarize yourself with your many different powers and how to apply them). Whether you feel disempowered or self empowered, you will attract the same. Therefore, you cannot expect or even ask others to change – you can only change yourself – your relationships will reflect how you feel about YOU!

Love Annemarie

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